I want to teach you how to jump out of a fast moving car
I want to teach you how to get stuck in a window twenty floors up,
half in, half out
I want to teach you how to write my name with chalk onthe sidewald in front of your house
I want to teach you how to smack my face when im bad

OH THERE'S SO MUCH TO TEACH YOU!

i want to teach you how to get your penis cought in a vacuum cleaner hose
Can you trun on a faucet with your ass?
Well today im going to show youhow
I want to teach you all about horror and jubilation
I want to teach you all about panic

BUT PLEASE, DONT PANIC YET!!

I want to teach you how to tongue kiss a priest
through the confessional screen
I want to teach you how to joyously slap someone on the back
until thir nose begins to bleed
i want to teach you that a jsck ass shall not have a better
car than someone who is really popular.

LOOK AT ME WHEN IM TEACHING YOU!!

I want to teach you all about wonderful holiday rituals
I want to teach you how to maintain a look of total surprise
as you vomit on your mothers lap
I want to teach you how to stick a dead fish
in the ventalation system of your place of employment
I want to teach you how to bob for fruit in a bucket of honey and that a toilette paper roll is not a sex toy even if it is filled with vasaline.

GET READY TO LEARN!